Fifty Shades of Red
Fifty Shades of Red is the third episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 14. It aired on May 22, 2016 for sponsors, May 23rd, 2016 for Rooster Teeth site users, and May 29, 2016 for the general public. It is the 288th episode overall. Characters Red Team *Sarge *MacGruff *Daggerknife *Buckshot *Several other Red soldiers Blue Team *Flowers *Tucker *Jimmy *Blue Candidate #1 *Blue Candidate #2 Other *Lemons Plot The scene opens up on a Red Base similar to Valhalla where a line of red soldiers stands in front at attention. Special Officer Lemons approaches them and introduces himself to them. He then explains that they had been selected because Command "believes" they have the "specific" traits the higher ups are looking for in commanding officers. They are to be tested in a training course to determine a leader to lead a "special" group of red soldiers against the Blues. Several of the Reds introduce themselves, amongst them being Sarge, whose name confuses Lemons, but earns some respect from the other Red soldiers. Lemons decides to move on to the first test. The first test is a bomb defusal where a timed explosive is placed on the carriage of a Warthog and two soldiers are needed to complete the challenge: one to do the defusal and another to read the instructions. A soldier named Buckshot is chosen to do the bomb defusal while Sarge volunteers to read the instructions. When the exercise starts though, Sarge completely misses the point of the exercise, having another Red keep a lookout for Blues (even Lemons explains there aren't any) and burns the instructions with a flamethrower. The result is Buckshot is killed by the explosion while the Warthog remains intact which Sarge notes. Lemons becomes increasingly exasperated by Sarge and the other Red soldiers honoring Buckshot's heroic death and want to fight and kill Blues. Meanwhile, from a window overlooking the training course, Flowers notes that he's glad the Reds are all idiots when he is called for his interview with Blue soldiers. After a long interview with three candidates, a good-natured soldier, a guy who emphasizes his ability to listen, and Tucker, Flowers determines Tucker is the Blue recruit for Blood Gulch. He heads back to check on the Reds while Tucker questions where he's going as he wasn't paying to the point of the interview. When Captain Flowers heads back to the window, he is shocked to see that all the Reds were dead except for Sarge and another soldier named Daggerknife, having killed the rest when they used live bullets in a training round instead of rubber. With Daggerknife and Sarge remaining, (and Lemons completely lost from this) they decide to settle the position amongst themselves. Sarge convinces Daggerknife to commit suicide on the notion of "dying for this army" and wins through process of elimination. Lemons snaps and calls the candidates psychopaths. Sarge determining that only a Blue would insult the dead Reds proceeds to kill Lemons with his iconic shotgun while Flowers watches. With the new Sergeant chosen, Flowers makes due to get a "final piece", revealing someone in Cobalt armor. Transcript The words "Fifty Shades of Red" appear in space. Cut to Lemons running towards a line Red soldiers standing in front of a training facility, The facility shoots a bolt of energy into the sky. Lemons: '''Good afternoon, gentlemen. My name is Special Officers Lemons. Command has seen fit to gather you here today because we believe that each and every one of you exhibit the specific traits we're looking for in commanding officers! Now, this is not your standard officers training course. Today we are looking for one man and one man only to lead a newly formed team to victory against the Blue devils. '''Red Soldiers: '''Sir, yes, sir! '''Lemons: '''Excellent. Now how about we go down the line and introduce ourselves? And I want to know exactly what it is you hope to achieve during your time here in the Red army. '''McGruff: '''Name's Johnson McGruff. My primary directive is to seek, destroy, and completely eradicate any members of the Blue army, sir! '''Daggerknife: '''Hank Daggerknife's the name, and killing Blue's is my game, sir. '''Sarge: '''Sarge, reporting for duty! As far as I'm concerned- '''Lemons:(stutters)' '''I'm sorry, your name is Sarge? '''Sarge: '''Yup! Pappie always told me to dress for the job you want! Figured I'd just take it a little but further. (''laughs) Daggerknife: 'Damn, I respect that! '''Lemons: '''Um, how about we just skip the introductions and get right to the tryouts? '''Red Soldiers: '''Sounds good to me! Jinx! Ah, you got me! Double jinx! Well played! Triple jinx! Damn it! ''Cut to the Red Soldiers and Lemons surrounding a Warthog. 'Lemons: '''Alight, men, from this point on, the kiddie gloves are officially off. This first exercise will be testing your ability to communicate under pressure. '''Daggerknife: '''Are we being deployed to a planet with increased gravitational force? '''McGruff: '''Don't be ridiculous. Clearly, we're being sent to an underwater base. I'm perfect for the job sir. Was stationed at Fort Florida. Undersea pressure was enormous. '''Lemons: '''Not that kind of pressure. This vehicle has been fitted with an IED. One of you will be tasked with defusing the explosive, while another will be in charge of walking you through the defusing process, step by step. You will be provided with bomb defusal manual, and tool kit, but the success of this operation will depend entirely upon your communication skills. Corporal Buckshot. '''Buckshot: '''Sir, yes sir! '''Lemons: '''You will be our defuser. '''Buckshot: ' My pleasure! 'Lemons: ' As for your lead- 'Sarge: ' Oh, oh! Permission to volunteer sir? 'Lemons: ' Sarge! I like your attitude. Why don't you show us what you've got? 'Daggerknife: ' (sighs) Lucky. Cut to Sarge, the Red soldiers, and Lemons taking cover behind a rock while Buckshot is kneeling next to the jeep. '' '''Lemons: '''Alright everyone! This is a timed explosive! Live fire exercise begins in 3, 2, 1! ''Warthog honks and the timer starts counting down. 'Buckshot: '''Alright Sarge, I see the device. What's the first step? '''Sarge: '''Calm down, good buddy. I'm gonna guide you through this and get you home to your family. That's a promise. ''(turns to McGruff) ''McGruff, I need you to find me a M7057 Defoliant Projector. '''Mcgruff: '''Roger that. On it sir. ''(runs off) 'Lemons: '(confused) What...? 'Sarge: '(turns to Daggerknife) Daggerknife, keep your eyes on those cliffs. This could very well be a trap, set up by our nefarious enemy! 'Daggerknife: '''You got it, Sarge! (runs off) '''Lemons: '''Uh... Sarge? Uh... There's no enemies here. Uh-We're just focusing... on the bomb? '''Sarge: '(laughs) But that's just what the Blues '''want us to think! (Daggerknife pointing his gun at the cliffs in the background) I see the game your playing, Lemons, (laughs briefly) and I intend to win. Lemons: 'No, no, no... There's not- '''Buckshot: '(timer's getting dangerously low) Sarge, we're getting pretty low on time over here! 'Sarge: '''Buckshot, if we're going to do this, we're going to do it right! Now calm down and wait for instruction. '''Mcgruff: '''Asset acquired, Sarge. heh heh '''Sarge: '''Good man. heh heh '''Buckshot: '(panicking) Down to the final seconds! 'Sarge: '(picking up the Flamethrower) Alright, fellas. Watch... and learn. Step one Sarge fires the flamethrower, burning the computer and the table to ashes. 'Lemons: '(nervously laughs) That computer had the defusal instructions. Why would you-? '''Sarge: '''Step one: '''No cheating! The Red Army is not gonna march its way to victory by looking up the answers in the back of the book! We'll rely on good old-fashioned intuition. (turns to Buckshot) Alright, Buckshot- Explosion. The Warthog flips through the sky and lands on the ground completely intact. Sarge: '''(runs up to the Warthog) Huh... Now '''that is a sturdy piece of military equipment. Other Red soldiers murmur in agreement. Lemons: 'You're focused... on the JEEP?! Buckshot is dead! You let him explode! '''Sarge: '''While that may be true, Clint Buckshot knew the risks when he volunteered. He died... a hero. '''Lemons: '''He died in a training accident! '''Sarge: '''And a damn fine one at that.I think I speak for all of us, including the dead Clint Buckshot, that we're ready for our next objective. ''Red soldiers cheering. 'McGruff: '''Man, these exercises really get the blood pumping. I'm ready to fight me some Blues! ''More cheering from the Red soldiers. 'Daggerknife: '''Oh yeah, if there were a Blue in here right now, they'd be just as dead as good old Buckshot, if not more! ''Even more cheering from the Red soldiers. '' '''Sarge: '''I'm pretty sure it goes without saying, if there were any dirty Blues within a hundred miles of this facility, we'd find 'em and we'd paint 'em red. Am I right?! ''Even a lot more cheering form the Red soldiers. View changes to Captain Flowers looking from a window in the cliff side. ' ' 'Captain Flowers: '''Wonderful. They're all idiots. ''Special agent appears behind him. '''Special Agent: '''Captain Flowers, the Blues are here for their interviews. '''Captain Flowers: '''Well that is just stupendous! Right on time too. I am such a sucker for punctuality. ''Slide appears with the words: '' ''CANDIDATES FOR BLOOD GULCH OUTPOST "ALPHA"'' ' INTERVIEWER: AGENT FLORIDA "CAPT. FLOWERS" '''Candidate 1: '''I would say that my greatest strength is my love for following rules. '''Candidate 2: '''I'm a great listener! Go on, tell me something and I'll remember! '''Candidate 3 (Tucker): '''What, you mean physically? I can bench a clean 200 no problem. Do a couple 100 reps everyday. 40 cock push-ups, no big deal. '''Candidate 1: '''Where do I see myself in five years? Hopefully with your job! *laughs* '''Candidate 2: '''Well, no matter where I end up, I bet I'll still remember that thing you told be because I'm such a good listener. '''Candidate 3 (Tucker): '''Five years? Ugh, hopefully I'm not dead. Oh, and I bang like five years worth of chicks by then, am I right dude? '''Candidate 1: '''Gosh, why did I join the military? Y'know, I just wanted to make a difference. Fight for my fellow man. '''Candidate 2: '''I wanted to show off how great a listener I am. '''Candidate 3 (Tucker): '''Chicks dig war heroes. I'm hoping I get shot in the foot and get sent home with a medal I can use to pick up women. Hey, totally unrelated, but do you want to do me a favor and shoot me in the foot? '''Candidate 1: '''My deepest regret? Oh golly, I mean...Probably not telling my mom I love you more before shipping me off. '''Candidate 2: '..Oh what? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Candidate 3 (Tucker): '''Oh dude, don't bring that up. Look, all I'm saying is some girls tell you they're 18 and like, what am I, some human age detecting machine? Anyway, the charges were dropped and it wasn't that big a deal despite what the media said. '''Captain Flowers: '''Well I think we have our man. Welcome aboard, Lavernius Tucker. '''Tucker: '''Aboard what? Wait, what is this an interview for? '''Captain Flowers: '''I'll see you in a few weeks. Thanks for your time. '''Special Agent: Time to go private. Tucker: '''No, seriously, where the fuck are we going? '''Captain Flowers: Alright, let's see how our Reds-. Oh my word. Cut'' to Captain Flowers looking out the window to see the red soldiers dead except for Sarge and Daggerknife. '' View changes to Sarge and Daggerknife. A crow is heard cawing. Daggerknife: '''Well I think that went pretty well. '''Lemons: '''What did you do!? '''Sarge: '''Ah, Special Officer Lemons! '''Daggerknife: '''How was our performance, sir? '''Lemons: How did this happen? I, I gave you all rubber bullets! Sarge: '''Oh, that was intentional? I was under the assumption you'd simply provided us with the wrong ammunition. '''Lemons: Why would you even assume that? Sarge: Well you gave us a real bomb to defuse! Daggerknife: Hehe, he's got you there sir. Sarge: Besides, who doesn't love a good live fire training course? Lemons: I'm fairly certain all of the soldiers you killed. Daggerknife: No no no, we were all in agreement. Sarge: Oh yeah, McGruff seemed real gung-ho about the whole idea! Daggerknife: God rest his soul. Sarge: So...have you decided which of us is being promoted? Lemons: Which of you-which of you is...I,I honestly don't know. You're both equally insane. Sarge: Hmm..then perhaps it should be up to us who moves forward. Daggerknife: Hmm... Yes, a fitting resolution if i may say so myself. Sarge: You may. Daggerknife: Well, my father, his father and his father before him have all been exceptional military leaders. Sarge: Admirable, but tradition doesn't win wars. It takes strength, intelligence and the will to survive! Lemons: Gentlemen, I, I don't think we can base our decision on- Daggerknife: Well if it's strength and intelligence your're looking for, I've got it in droves Sarge: I'm only hearing two out of three, Daggerknife. But me? I've got the full package. Lemons: Guys- Daggerknife: I will fight for this army until this war is won! Sarge: Fighting is one thing, but would you die for this army? Daggerknife: Of course I would! Sarge: Talk is cheap! Daggerknife: I couldn't agree more! Sarge: Then what are you going to do about it, Daggerknife!? Gunshot. View changes to show Daggerknife's dead body. Sarge: Huh. I'd thought he call my bluff on that one. Looks like he's the man for the job after all! Congratulations Hank Daggerknife, I salute you. Lemons: He... he's dead! Sarge: Indeed, he is! Guess the job goes to me. Thank you process of elimination (laughs). Lemons: You're crazy. You're all fucking crazy! Sarge: Hey, do not disrespect the fallen soldiers of this army! Lemons: Haha, soldiers!? You're psychopaths! Sarge: (pointing a shotgun at Lemons) Insubordination! Lemons: What? Sarge: As the newly appointed sergeant, I will not stand for such behavior! No Red soldier would ever speak so lowly of their fallen brethren! Unless...You aren't Red. Lemons: Sarge? Uh, you're not making any sense. Sarge: Oh, that's where you're wrong, Loimans. For the first time today, everything makes perfect sense! You're not a Red, you're the final test! Lemons: What are you talking about? Sarge: You're a dirty Blue. Lemons: What...? Sarge: You're as Blue as Daggerknife is dead. Lemons: Uh, Agent Florida, I've got a situation down here. View changes to Captain Flowers looking from a window from the cliff side Captain Flowers: Thank you, Special Officer Lemons, you have found us the perfect Red leader. Lemons: No no no, wait wait PLEASE- Gunshot Sarge: That one's for Daggerknife, dirtbag. Captain Flowers: Welcome to the roster, Sarge. View changes to Sarge looking at the cliff side window and showing Lemons's dead body Sarge: Hello? If anyone from command is watching, I've completed the final test. I've killed Lemons. I'm ready for my promotion now. Hello? View changes to Captain Flowers '' '''Captain Flowers': All that's left is one... final... piece. View then changes to a soldier in Cobalt armor Fade to black Sarge: Is this another test? The words "To be Concluded " appear in space Sarge: I'm pretty sure I'm the only one left! Unless Buckshot's still alive. Gunshot Sarge: Nope, he's dead. Episode ends Gallery First task.png Buckshot defusing IED.png Daggerknife's corpse.png Trivia *The title of the episode is a reference to the book Fifty Shades of Grey. *This episode marks the first time the M7057 Defoliant Projector, more commonly known as the Flamethrower, is seen in the Halo: Combat Evolved engine. The weapon was exclusive to the PC release of the game, which was not used in the production of Red vs. Blue until the HD reshoots of past seasons, by which time Rooster Teeth had already moved on to using the Halo 2 engine for filming. *The bomb on the Warthog is the same kind of bomb used in From Stumbled Beginnings. *The survival of the Warthog from the bomb explosion is a reference to its indestructibility in Halo: Combat Evolved. *The comment Tucker makes about getting shot in the foot is a reference to Red vs. Bleu and Number One, where Church shoots Caboose in the foot and Epsilon-Donut shoots Epsilon in the foot, respectively. Video Category:Season 14 Category:Episodes